Yo Ho Ho!
by Hoodoo
Summary: Challenge: Write a story that centers around an unusual object in the possession of either the TMNT or Master Splinter.  Originally posted at Stealthy Stories.  Oneshot.


Disclaimer: standard stuff applies. Not mine, don't sue. Written for an "Unusual Object" challenge over at Stealthy Stories; a quite enjoyable experience. I'm blaming inspiration on the site and . . . well, you'll see.

Enjoy!

xx0xx0xx

Old habits die hard. Splinter had spent so many years scrounging in the tunnels they called home that even now, with his sons independent, he occasionally slipped out by himself to wander and search for new things.

He'd collected a large amount of useless objects but kept them just the same--he was a rat, after all. One whole room in their lair was devoted to his collection, although they hardly ever went in it. Splinter, however, knew exactly where everything was in the room, even as he added new finds periodically.

His room, though messy, was divided by purpose. One wall was piled with clothing, another hidden by papers: books, magazines, lost love notes and the like. In one corner were broken mechanical objects. The main section of the floor was simply interesting junk with no classification.

Splinter's sharp ears heard his sons at the breakfast table. One was excited, one grumbling, the other two fairly neutral. He smiled and closed the door behind himself, muffling their voices.

xx0xx0xx

"This is so stupid!" Raphael complained to Leonardo.

"Quiet," his brother said. "We need to stay alert."

"Stay alert?" Raphael laughed. "This whole thing is a joke!"

Leonardo sighed, and stopped scanning the immediate area. He pressed a thumb into his left temple to try and ward off the impending headache. Secretly, he agreed with Raphael, but he had to support their youngest brother too. And if one day a year Michelangelo wanted a training session like this--

"Have the ninjas ever lost?" Raphael had continued. "Ever?"

"They will this year if you don't keep your mouth shut!" Leonardo hissed.

But once again, Raphael had a point. No matter how they divided up--they always paired in twos--whoever was with Michelangelo was on the losing team. Because this day was always his idea, Michelangelo refused to be a ninja. This year Donatello had actually volunteered to be Mikey's partner. He said he'd done some research and wanted to try and be "more authentic."

It wouldn't matter. Even if Donatello channeled Blackbeard himself, the two ninjas would win. Ninjas were better trained, stealthier, and didn't wear the ridiculous newspaper hats that Michelangelo insisted on.

"Ninjas versus Pirates. I can't believe we still cater to Mikey's immaturity."

Leonardo sighed again, debating whether to try and defend Michelangelo or give up and agree with Raphael. Distracted by his internal discussion, he took a few steps forward from under the balcony.

He was immediately pelted with water balloons.

"Ha! He be in Davy's grip now!" Michelangelo shrieked from over the edge of the balcony. He lobbed another filled balloon at Leonardo, who simultaneously wiped his face and sidestepped the next projectile.

"You're out, Leo!" Donatello exclaimed.

"Water balloons don't count!" he disagreed hotly.

"We couldn't get any cannonballs," Donatello told him, also peering down over the balcony's railing. He kept a hand on the newspaper hat so it didn't tumble off his head.

"Just be happy Don didn't make caltrops to throw at you! Arrr!"

"Do you even know what caltrops are, Mikey?"

"Sure--I mean, aye! Donny told me. And he told me I could call him a drivelswigger!"

"No I didn't!"

Michelangelo ducked quickly, laughing, as Donatello pitched a balloon at him.

Raphael sidled up behind the two of them without them seeing and touched them each with a sai. He said, "You're both out."

"Oh _man!"_

"That a new record, Leo?" the red bandana-ed turtle called over the balcony. "Twenty minutes before ninjas kick pirate ass?"

"Damn it!" Michelangelo swore. "I really thought that this year--"

"Ninjas don't taunt their enemies," Leonardo interrupted, in a sage tone, smiling up at the trio. "Maybe if you'd hit Raph with a water balloon you'd be declared the winners, but he got you fair and square. He's last one untouched, so ninjas win. Again."

There was an outburst from all the rest: one happy, the other two arguing ineffectually. No one saw the small shadow shimmy up the wall to the balcony.

Right behind Raphael, Splinter announced,

"Avast, ye bilge rat!"

and tapped his shell with a tonfa. Raphael spun around, slack jawed, and came face to face with his smiling sensei, wearing a tricorn pirate hat.

"Yes!" Michelangelo shouted. "Ninjas don't taunt, but pirates have reinforcements!"

Seeing their victory slipping away, Raphael said to Splinter, "Hey! That shouldn't count! You snuck up here, like a_ ninja_, and you're using a tonfa, a _ninja _weapon!"

Splinter only smiled more widely. "I could not find a belaying pin, Raphael. I am, however, wearing a pirate hat, and am aligning myself with the buccaneers today.

"You're out. Pirates win."

Now the outbursts were reversed, but Splinter held up a hand and answered Donatello's question.

"I found this hat on one of my foragings. It was just after Hallowe'en, due to the popularity of those Pirates of the Caribbean movies, I suppose. I think it makes me look rather dashing."

Michelangelo and Donatello agreed heartily, whooping it up with pirate slang that, spoken by two native New Yorkers, sounded bizarre. They skipped down to the main floor, demanding grog.

Both Leonardo and Raphael looked stunned at the turn of events.

"Do not be too hard on yourselves, my sons," Splinter consoled them. "Maybe next year you'll have better luck."

With a final smile and a wink, he left them to join the two celebrating .

_Fin._


End file.
